Why do parents set off children

Everyday family life in the corona crisis

Conflict is a part of human communication and interaction. They arise wherever people meet and are an important part of social interaction. With children they often happen very quickly and sometimes the reason for the conflict is not visible or explainable at first glance.
It is therefore very difficult for parents to react appropriately in the situation or in advance. Should we intervene or should we still wait?
Behind flying bricks, loud screaming or wrangling, there can be a struggle for affection, belonging, rivalry or friendship, for power and influence, and for the defense of rules and values.
The initially seemingly difficult solution to the conflict often turns out to be very simple if you let the children solve their problems on their own.
And in doing so, children, depending on their age, develop a wide variety of strategies to resolve a conflict. Younger children in particular (up to about 10 years of age) end conflicts by simply “stopping”, apologizing, avoiding each other for a while, simply giving in or arguing the matter “fairly”.
At Children under three years of age one cannot assume that they already have all the prerequisites to understand a conflict and to be able to deal with it. They lack sufficient linguistic opportunities to express themselves. Children in these age groups do not yet understand what the other person wants from them. They react angry or angry when their interests are ignored. They observe a lot and often leave the scene perplexed. At this age, children still communicate very often non-verbally (e.g. to get in touch, it can happen that the shovel is thrown on the other child's head). They already know their own interests, but assume that the other person has the same interests as they do. If things don't go as they imagined, they react with anger, horror or despair, still very uncoordinated and in the power metering clumsily (hit, push and tear).

The most common causes of conflict among toddlers are:

  • Negotiating things (mine or yours)
    Children often first have to learn to differentiate between “mine” and “yours”. They often think: whatever they play with is theirs. What others have should be theirs too. Property is vehemently defended.
  • Conquering your own territory
    The own area is defended or an attempt is made to conquer the other's area.
  • for attention and recognition from adults or play partners and friends to get
  • pent-up anger is best left out, mostly because the child is mad at themselves, at others, or at something
  • feel yourself big and strong
    Especially when it comes to quarrels between older and younger children, it often happens that the “older one” “builds up” through the argument - at the expense of the younger one
  • to be able to introduce rules