How do I learn about myself

Learning to love yourself - how does it work? 23 tips for better self-esteem

While I was waiting for a friend in an H&M changing room somewhere in Munich some time ago, I overheard the following:

"I am so fat."

"My stomach is so gross."

"The top fits you better, I look like shit in it."

“Did you see how much the XY lost? I also absolutely have to lose weight - at least 5 kilos. "

At some point I got up and waited somewhere else.

I just couldn't listen to how these girls devalued each other - not each other - but each one for themselves the whole time.

Until a few months ago I was one of them.

I wanted to be perfect and I couldn't.

Nothing I did was good enough for my own needs.

The devaluation to which we women are constantly exposed, of course, does not only relate to the body.

There is nothing we can do right to ourselves.

We are never good enough.

It is never enough.

There are always others who are even better, more beautiful, even smarter and even more successful than we are.



Learning to love yourself is a life's work

The - subjectively - negative news is that you are never saved from falling self-esteem.

Even if you completely accept yourself, love yourself for who you are, you will very likely stumble over and over again.

Stumbling over situations, over words, over a few pounds more on the scales.

That's why it's so important that you stay tuned.

That you never stop pushing your self-esteem.

Your self-esteem is not called that because other people can help you with it. Thank you, Captain Obvious.

It's in your own hands.

And that is also the great, ingenious, inspiring message.

You are in control of your self-esteem. You can control it, you can influence it.

And there are a few simple tips and tricks on how to do it.

Let's boost your self-esteem together!


Let's start:


  1. Nice words

Start each day by telling yourself something positive. Preferably in front of the mirror. It doesn't matter if you congratulate yourself on getting up early. Whether you particularly like your eyes or how well you dealt with a difficult situation. Everything positive is allowed and everything that makes you smile.

Tip: A great exercise is to write down these positive things in a praise journal for 10, 20, 30 days.

  1. Be good to yourself

Provide your body with everything it needs. Healthy food, plenty of fluids, adequate sleep, lots of fruit, lots of vegetables.

  1. No comparison

Stop comparing yourself to others. You are you and that is wonderful! You are not alive to be a copy of someone! The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself.

  1. Think positive

If you are convinced that something bad is happening to you, it is likely that that is exactly what will happen. You never know what doors that close are good for. From experience I can tell you that often at least three new ones open and some doors are better left closed!

  1. error

Don't be afraid of making mistakes. You happen! And they are part of it. Accept them, see what knowledge you can get from them and then let them move on. Don't hold on to them convulsively and don't get ready!

  1. Do not believe everything you think

The negative voice in your head can sell you the world like the darkest place if it wants to. There is often a lot of judgment in your thoughts. Take a step back and look objectively at what the situation is now. Has this person really devalued you or do you interpret that in the statement? This approach changed my life!

  1. Goal setting

Set goals for yourself, big and small. They keep you motivated and you will be so proud of yourself when you achieve them!

Beware: goals can put us under a lot of pressure. If you notice that you only find yourself valuable if you achieve them or if goals that have not been achieved drag you down, then better leave it. You are just as good as you are, even and especially not if you don't tick anything off the to-do list this week.

  1. celebrate yourself

Celebrate everything you achieve! This is not an expression of arrogance or complacency. Because you don't say “I did it, you suck.” You just say “I did it.” Try it now, it feels so great and is guaranteed to put a smile on your face.


  1. Time out

Take time for yourself every day. Completely irrelevant whether it is 10 minutes or 2 hours.

Give yourself the time, breathe, meditate or just sit quietly and clear your head.

  1. Take care of you

Be aware of what is happening in your body. If you are not doing so well, lie down or sit down. Do not numb pain with pills so that you can keep rotating. Listen to what your body is trying to tell you. Are you overdoing it with engagements? Something missing? You just have this very body - be good to it.

  1. Comfort zone

Your life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

It is not for nothing that this quote haunts the world. Try something new and enjoy the great feeling of having done something that you have never done before. To have achieved something that you previously thought you might not be able to do. It doesn't matter whether you've always wanted to take riding lessons or write a short story. Do it!

  1. Reinvent yourself

Even small changes are enough. Put on something you've never tried before. Buy an eyeshadow, paint your nails. I recently got a plum-colored nail polish and suddenly I was so looking forward to autumn and feeling completely different. Small changes give you more self-esteem because they feel like a fresh start. Priceless!

  1. Sorry not sorry.

Don't apologize for yourself! With no one! Neither for your enthusiasm nor for wanting a different side dish in the restaurant. Your game, your rules!

  1. Forbearance

Don't be hard on yourself if it doesn't work out that way. Loving yourself takes practice, like almost everything in life. Hold on, but don't get ready (see point 5!)

  1. Practice mindfulness
  1. Treat other people with respect

Meeting other people with love and respect makes you happy. Maybe you've already become rude when you weren't feeling well? Have your partner, your family or complete strangers (popular victims: cashiers) plumped? It doesn't make you feel better. But on the contrary.

In addition, the old adage still applies: as you call into the forest, it also echoes back.

  1. gratitude

Find 1-3 things every day for which you are grateful. Especially on days that are not going well, this helps you to direct your thoughts to positive events. It is worth it!

Book tip on the subject: Ursula Richard - Gratitude makes you happy

  1. Talk, talk, talk

Find someone you can talk to during difficult times. This can be anyone from family members to friends to someone whose energy you like.

I don't mean that you go to a complete stranger and first confide in them your deepest problems and secrets. But sometimes it can help to think outside the box and get a fresh impulse from a fresh mind. I recently had a great conversation by chance with a young woman who works at the reception of a yoga studio.

  1. Your shadows

Without shadow there is no light, you also have to get to know the night.

-Albert Camus

Forgive yourself. It's hard to look at its darker side. Believe me, I know that. Who likes to admit that they are sometimes scheming or have some other quality that does not make it easy to love oneself? But your shadows are also a part of you and the clearer you can see them, the better you can take care of them.

  1. Wounds

Let go of past wounds and trauma. One of the hardest points, but also one of the most beautiful. Are there any experiences in your family that you have not yet come to terms with? Have you experienced things at school, during your studies, at work or in past relationships that you would like to suppress but cannot forget? It is important that you allow these wounds to close. For example, I'm currently working on letting go of the bullying at school. Here I present a method with which you can heal these wounds.

  1. Dependent

Don't make your self-worth dependent on others. Not everyone in this world will love you. Focus on those who are devoted to you.

You can be the ripeest, juiciest peach in the world and yet there will still be someone who hates peaches.

-Dita von Teese

Psst ... here is the quote from Dita to hang up at home!

  1. Miracle list

The next time you feel really good, start a list of all the things that you think are great about yourself. All your abilities, all your great qualities, all your achievements are allowed on it. Don't hold back, nobody but you will read this list. It's probably never going to be finished because you're infinitely great, but it's great for future reference.

  1. Do what you love

Find out what makes you happy and do just that. Your self-worth will be a long time coming when you are living someone else's life, when you exist not by your own standards but by those of others. Live your life in such a way that you think it's great. You dare!

Waiting for someone else to make you happy is the best way to be sad.

Get out there and be that person for yourself!